Music for the ages...

This is just a list of my favourite (and next my least favourite musical instruments) these are in no particular order.

Please know that the only instrument I can play, is someone's nerves...

My Fav's

The violin

If I could pick out one violinist, it would be Vanessa Mae... I remember hearing the violin for the first time. The first real pure violin song I'd ever heard was Vanessa Mae's Storm... I fell in love... When I listen to the violin I feel like the energizer bunny... uber super happy :D

Please excuse the music video, its highly retarded...




The piano

I used to take lessons, but then the lessons became a little too expensive, so I never really got to learn much... But I've always wanted to learn it... The piano to me is my cry time music... if I'm ever truely and deeply sad I'll be listening to piano music and 9/10 time's my eyes will water... This is a piece that captivates me every time I hear it... I am sitting at my desk absolutely breathless... (there is one thing that I hate about this video clip though... this amazing pianist, is wearing flip-flops, I have this relentless, bitter, violent hatred for flip-flops... flip flops is an even bigger red flag than drugs... I can tolerate drugs more than I can flip flops.... I FUCKING HATE FLIP FLOPS !!! AAAHHHH  DEATH TO ALL FLIP FLOP -FUCK...)



The Bass Guitar

I love the sound of the bass guitar, I kinda think that, I'm like the physical embodiment of a bass guitar... Never the centre of a attention, someone who's there, but kinda invisible yet people will know if I'm not there... and never really the one everyone screams at, I mean, I don't know the names of any bass guitarists to be honest, but the bass guitar plays such a vital component to any form of music... I think it's the underdog of the musical instrument world... and there's a hidden kind of sexiness to it... Here the bass guitar gives me courage... whenever I have to go up on stage, to say a speech, poem, oral etc I have the bass play over in my head... and sometimes, that courage turns to sexiness... I Love this clip for three reasons other than the bass sounds so awesome, 1) the guy is beautiful 2) his fingers remind me of a dancing tarantula and 3) its a Final Fantasy VII cover song...



The Harp

If there is instrument I really want to learn, it's the harp... I love the music it produces... the serenity, the calm, the love, the peace, the list goes on... The power of the music created by the harp, for me is more powerful than the power of a nuclear bomb... only, its doesn't bring about destruction... I don't have a specific harp song that I like to listen to, I love all harp music... I feel most at peace when listening to harp music also I think there's a certain level of healing when someone plays it... I suppose, when I learn to play the harp, I'll to cancer centres over SA playing the harp while people get their doses of Chemo... maybe even people on dialysis... if I could play one song this is it...



Mr Love lace out...

My Wedding speech

I kinda wrote this last night...

I have no idea how this got in my head, because I wasn't even thinking of my pretend wedding... but if I were to get married, this would be my speech at the reception... (I know the groom doesn't say speeches, just the vows, but the I haven't met Mr right yet so how can I make vows???)

My wedding speech

We’ve had this debate before haven’t we (insert husband’s name)

I say “I love you”, you say “I love you more”, I say “Not nearly as much as I love you”, you say “you’re in DEE-NIAL, cuz I mean, I just, I love you more!”, I say “Bullshit, that’s impossible, cuz I love you more”... the clichéd, corny, ‘I love you more’ debate can go on and on until one of us decides to shut the other up with a long, slow, mouthy, tonguey, eyes closed, hands in hair, surroundings blurred kiss so powerful that if it were anymore powerful it could end war, famine, poverty, HIV, ignorance, self-hate and end all pain...

But today I stand before you, telling you, I...love...you...

I love you today, tomorrow, the next day, maybe not the whole of next week Wednesday or the day we have the inevitable crockery throwing fight, but I love you... after the fight, once the hate comes out all that’s left is love and that love is forever bound to you...

I love you more than pooh bear loves honey

I love you more than a sunflower loves the sun

My love for you is as unbreakable as a mountain made of diamond and titanium...

My love for you reaches further than ends of the universe...

I will love you in this life and I shall seek you out in the next life and love you then, and in the life after that... My love for you will transcend life itself...

And once all life and existence is gone, my love for you will transcend the very confides of existence and being...

But most of all I will love you as passionately, as if it is my last hour with you, forever until the big bang unbangs itself and rebangs itself because I refused to stop loving you...and because you refused to stop loving me...

Mr love lace out...

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

Insane as that might sound, as I have officially found content with being single, I really would give it all...

Anybody and everybody who's ever met me will know me to be a person hellbent on being financially secure, not in a materialistic way, but in a way that will allow me to live a comfortable life... This is single most important thing to me... I don't fear being poor, I grew up in a below middleclass household, my mother, an overworked-underpaid waitress/ cashier for Parliament and my dad (well I call him Pappie, because he is Afrikaans) worked as a caster at a jeweller...

There were many nights, during mine and my younger sister's childhood, when my parents could not afford supper, when we nearly evicted and when my parents could not afford a pencil for me to do my grade 3 homework... My parents, both feel equally disappointed in themselves (although my mother shows it more), for not being able to provide for both my sister and I... its during these "flashbacks of a Days of our Lives episode", that sister dearest and I turn to comfort my mom and dad, personally I think they are great parents, they tried really hard and at times we got fortunate, my dad got a great job, great salary, but not before long, he was "retrenched" - its only natural that the deaf are the first to go...

Growing up (I can't believe I'm saying this, but) 'poor' has taught me that I can survive it, if I were to go back to that state of financial decline... but my parents, worked hard and now, 20 years later, we are living a slightly comfortable life... still paycheck to paycheck and a holiday nowhere in sight, but a comfortable life... so I know that if I work hard enough, I can lead a great life...

Now, I know what it feels like to be a poorer person, and to be the person that goes to "that" school, to collect and use "those" coupons and wear "unbranded" clothes... but I've never let that get me down, not once, most people believe that because I am white, I come from a fortunate background... It stumps me when someone calls me "stirvy"... I'm far from that, I'm grounded (ok I have my head stuck in cloud 7 but thats cuz I have superpower that allows me to stretch my neck...) and very humble.

By now you're probably wondering what's this got to d o with the topic, well, I know what its like to be 'poor', but I fear being a homeless person... that scares the shit out of me... but what scares me even more is living a life unloved - by that I mean boyfriend, partner, husband kind of love.

Yesterday I heard a song from Ke$ha - yes I listen to her and if you don't like it, bite me, throw Cayenne pepper in my eyes, throw me with a bucket of shit, I don't care... ok on second thought don't throw me with a bucket of shit, someone's already done that and its not cool, not cool at all... Anyway the song is called the Harold song and there was a part in chorus that read:

"They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone."

I thought it was beautiful, literature murder, but beautiful... I might have misinterpreted her meaning of "everything" but for me, I'd give away all my earthly possessions to find true love (I wouldn't let it go easily though...) So for me, someone fearful of homelessness and a person who has experienced the hardships of a lower level of financial living, to give up everything, should say a lot about how serious I am and will be to the person who is willing to take a chance on me...

To quite a friend who at the time knew little about me : "I know, any guy would be the world's luckiest man to have you"...

But until then, I will continue to live happily single and indulge in the world of libraries, coffee shops, 2nd hand book stores, blogs, the dark corners at my friends parties avoiding the vanity of the individuals who soak up vodka, tequila and ostentatiously colourful shots whilst swinging their half naked bodies to a god awful trance crap everyone listens to in an attempt to get laid that same night... Call me boring, but I prefer personality to promiscuity... or as I like to say, I prefer platinum to plastic...

Mr Love lace out...

I draw the line with drugs...

I'm literally sitting and having a convo with a friend via facebook chat, talking about the usual shit... boys, lack of affection, uneventful weekends (on my end), completely dramatic weekends (on her end), how much we miss each other yadda yadda

But then she said something to me that raised a red flag... I won't give you any details, as the conversation was private, but this is something that has always bothered me

Drugs...and drug users

I don't care how gorgeous you are or how in love you are with me, if you take drugs - doesn't matter if you are a casual drug user - do not even attempt to try and win me over... I have a very strong zero tolerance for drug users...

I know I constantly bitch and moan about being single and that I would take any opportunity presented to me, but I do draw the line at drugs... I will never judge another person for using drugs, but I do feel disappointed in that person...

I get that it's your life etc., but I can't help but wonder "why"... Why are drugs, be it dagga (cannabis), extacy (I dont even know how to spell it...), cocaine, speed (???) whatever, so well sought after??? and acceptable???

I know I am this super weird person, but when I am ridiculed by others for lack of experience (on the sex part) and that I've never taken any drugs other than a cigarette (I am not a smoker, just so you know), I often think to myself, who really in this situation is the weird person???

I'll stick to my guns... If I happen to encounter a guy who is hopelessly in love with me and is willing to kick his habit then fine, but if not, tough shit...

Just for you Crazeebee :)

Taylor Kinney...

Vampire Diaries - if you don't watch it, kill yourself - is just not the same without this delicious werewolf... sigh I hate Damon right now...


I decided to do this post for one of my blog crushes Crazeebee . He is just plain awesome :)

Writes good stuff too. Every time I visit his blog, I feel empowered and I somehow believe in myself a little bit more, so this is a tribute to him, a fellow Vampire Diary Enthusiast :)

Take a look at a few more Taylor Kinney Pics I found :)



Personally Michael Trevino is my fave :

He's more my age and I like his style :) Actually I just think its the glasses, the geeky look ignites sensations that should not be disclosed on sites open to the public... too bad he's straight and on a whole other continent... Oh well, to the next celeb crush...


Take a look at some more of CB's VD fav :)

Would you date someone HIV positive?

I'm  not sure about the rest of the world, but I like to live in my head...

That may at times not be the best idea, but it's a habit of mine and I get to escape the world of reality, singlehood, lonelyhood and fridge-hood...

It's because of this habit, I tend to create scenario's in my head, sometimes I write them... I never post them though... I'd most likely land up institutionalised...

Anyways, one evening I was creating this scenario about me going to bar, where, like in reality, everyone ignores me, unless I make a huge ass out of myself... Which is more than likely to happen... sigh so carrying on with the story...

Anyways so there's this guy at the bar, who orders a beer at the same time as I order e a cranberry daiquiri... we both exchange looks, he's really good looking! Nice arms, chest hairs pop out from his shirt, the most browny-bedroom eyes ever... he's just plain gorge!

Obviously totally out of my league right... So I'm looking at him and he's looking at me... I pluck up the courage to say "Hi" or "Hello" a greeting of some kind, instead I just give a squeeky "Hey", he gives me a weird look and says "Hey" in return... out of shock thanks to my squeek I return to my stool of solo-ness... He approaches me and at first I'm surprised, we start talking, we get along, good chemistry... I find out he's a little weirdo too and that his second toes are longer than his big toe...I ask him, the question I hate being asked "why are you single???" He says: "I never used to be, I was the village slut, I just wanted sex and everybody was interested, now I want to settle down and nobody is interested"... (how cliche... I know... shut up okay its my head...)

Later that night I manage to sum up every inch of courage I have an I ask him out... He says to me, "I'd love to, but I'm HIV positive" (So cavalier!!!) Huge red flag!!! Ok maybe not red, more like maroon flag... I looked at him I said, " I don't mind, love is blind, just like HIV/Aids..."

Soon after I woke up at the sight of sister telling me about that night's episode of Vampire Diaries... she interrupts me for that!!! at least Tyler is hot...

Anyways thanks to that imaginary event, it got me thinking, would I actually date an HIV positive guy??? I know I portrait-ed the guy to be hot and HIV positive, but I know I'm not that shallow, looks mean little to me... although having a nice looking boy friend would be a plus :)

Back to the topic!!! Would I really date a guy with HIV? The answer would be yes... I think, because of the profession I am in, and my knowledge of the disease, I'm not that afraid of it. I am HIV negative, just to clear the air... Why??? well because I don't want to spread the stigma, I wouldn't want someone to reject me on the basis that I have HIV, which is exactly what people do to me, because I don't have a "sexually appetising body". I also wouldn't want to miss out on a perfectly wonderful experience of love and romance with a person that may potentially be my soul mate...

I really meant what I said in Kyle's make believe scenario land: " I don't mind, love is blind, just like HIV/Aids..."

Love Lace out

Who am I really angery at?

This is as blunt as I am going to get.

I have no idea who I am really pissed off at; me or society...

Say what you want, but looks are everything. No one will look at an average looking guy with a little bit of a weight problem, when mr hotstuff with his six pack and uber massive invisible "I'm horny" sign above his head...

Now, I'm not saying all good looking guys are think with their dick heads, but have you ever seen a guy with a great physique go out with a guy who doesn't have one?

I understand that there are many gay guys, who happen to be attractive, have great personalities and go out with other guys with just as equal great personalities, but they also happen to be hot...

Now we get the average looking guys, like me... Still have a little bit of a pimple problem, weight won't seem to go away, but I have myself to blame, as I refuse to work out or play any form of sport...

What I can say is that I am highly cultured and well-read, fantastic cook, baker, very creative, spontaneous, green thumb, wine enthusiast, open minded, more caring than the next person (ask anyone who knows me), nicest person you'll ever meet, but I won't be given a chance because I have a little too much belly flab...

Ok wait I drove off the point here, getting back to "Now we get the average looking guys..." these guys also ONLY look at the hot guys... Ok I do to, but seriously I've been rejected by not-so-good lookling, average-looking "sweet" guys, and hot guys... basically all the types of guys... Why??? Is it because I'm "cute" and not sexy, is it because I have an invisible sign that says "Desperate" above my head??? Or am I still single and seriously pissed at myself for admitting that I label people, good looking, average and below average...

If love is supposed to be blind, then when did it get cornea transplant???

Or karma being a bitch to me because I refused to give that beggar a R5...

Like, the scars in the mirror

Like, the scars in the mirror

Two reflections,

blinded by distance,

the same yet not identical.

 Two souls,

Damaged by an enemy,

both the same yet not identical

One soul tortured by strangers,

the second tortured by blood

Both abused, inside and out,

tears, blood, semen and saliva

Screaming, shouting, aching and paining

15 year’s , 17 year’s

Reflections broken

Both bodies scarred

Souls shattered like an hourglass

Forever irreversible like the phallus carved on 15’s head,

like the engraving “faggot” from shoulder to shoulder

like the whip scars on his back and bottoms,

ascending from the bottom left to top right

Forever irreversible like the self inflicted cuts on 17’s arms,

like the emotional scars of kin’s denial and for punishment,

like the hot oil burn mark on his back,

Descending from top left to bottom right

15 year’s now 30 and 17 year’s now 32

Escaped somehow, alone but alive

Seeking adhesive to repair the broken shards of soul

To repair the mirror, the hourglass, the heart, the soul

At a gathering they arrive,

The two reflections meet,

The same but not identical,

Sharing their secrets,

mirror fixed

Time and time together,

Hourglass fixed

Topless they share each scar

Side by side 32 to 30

The scars line up,

A heart revealed,

The heart fixed

Together united,

A soul fixed