I’m not bitter, just single…

So a friend just asked me the one thing that every single person dreads the most: “how’s the love life?”

As you all know, I am luckless in the land of romance, love, lust, etc etc etc… I have tried, and tried and tried… nothing ever materialises (stupid auto correct made me retype ‘materialises’ three times…) and I usually land up sitting on the side lines like a shadow or worse, invisible – like always…

I don't know what it is... Is it me? my personality? Physique?

Many people have told me that I’ll find love when I least expect it, and that my Mr right just hasn’t found me yet, I but often think to myself, was your first love your Mr right? If not, why should I wait for Mr right, can’t I have a few Mr wrongs in the mean time, like you???

I get that I come across as desperate, but that’s only because it’s the only thing that I’ve ever really wanted for as long as I can remember… I also have a habit of over analyzing everything, and people say I shouldn’t do that, but it’s not a trait that can easily be discarded. It isn’t something that you can deny yourself either… I can’t, not analyze something even for a little bit, because if I said I wouldn’t, I’d be lying to myself…

I also understand that I’m not entitled to have a boyfriend, but I can’t help wondering if maybe the universe is preventing me from having a boyfriend because of the one incident I had (the day I lost my V-card). Should I apologise??? Do I need to??? Why should I have to if I do in fact have to apologise???

When I had my near death experience shortly after I jumped out of a train, for a few good weeks, finding love was the last thing on my list… then I finally got a shiny glimmer of hope, but I’m sure that light has faded and moved to someone else (whether or not I have over analyzed it I have no idea). And while that is totally fine, I mean, shouldn’t everyone find love??? And who am I to prevent it… that would selfish of me. Fly like a bird, fly till the sky is no more and fly some more J. I often wonder when will the glimmer stay, if ever???

I suppose for now I should concentrate on healing my leg, but I can’t keep ignoring the whole in my soul.

I just remembered something pertinent to the blog: the world's smallest violin... Hahaha

Mr love Lace out…

Blood Diamond Friends

This morning I was sitting on the bus thinking about all the momentary best friends I've had in my life...

They come and go, and it's sad because I can think of three whose names I can't  recall... oh how time affects the memory... yet although I cannot remember who they once were, that doesn't mean I've forgotten what they meant to me... Sitting outside work, gossiping about our bitch for a floor manager or challenging each other on a swing at the local park... Tranforming (or vandalising) "Hetties Tuck Shop" into "Hetties Fuck Shop"...

I feel like one of those people who are forced to dig for diamonds in Northern Africa. I finally find a diamond and three seconds later the diamond is taken away from me, never to be seen again...

My friends mean everything to me... they always have... I've never had any romantic relations with anyone so I had to give the love I had to someone... so I gave it to friends... and I still do... That's why I'm the friend you can call at 3am to help you bury a dead body... :)

I don't really have much to say, but to all the friends I've lost to time, distance, drugs, the grim reaper etc... I miss you and even though I might not remember you name, it's your aura and being that I remember ever so well...

Mr Love lace out...