Land of the 7 Billion

Ok people listen up... We're about to reach a population overload...

Some woman on Earth is going to give birth to the 7 billionth little shit today... and it will probably be an "oops, I didn't plan to have you..."

That's right I said it... *snaps my fingers

I just tweeted this: Reaching 7 billion people is not something worth celebrating. That's 7 billion mouths' mother nature has to feed.

As we can all see, the world is becoming extremely overpopulated. People are living on top of each other.

Just take a look at this residential living space in Hong Kong:

This is insane... and this is just in Hong Kong... OK OK OK.... its Hong Kong I know, they do have a lot more people than we do, but the country itself is larger than ours... sooner or later this is everyone's destiny. A destiny where people are forced to live in small cramped up places that look hypnotisingly identical...

Another important thing to remember is that the Age ratio is very out of whack... In Japan, there are more old people than young people. They've implemented a one child only policy and because of that, their birth to death ratio is out of balance. Basically, we're running out of Japs, because they are trying to control their population growth... So they have more old people and not enough young people... Because of this, their economy might also struggle in a few years...

But then you have places that have too many people... period i.e. countries in Africa... People in Africa breed... a lot... ergo, it's overpopulated... but you probably already knew that... I've never seen it for myself, but I have seen many pictures (from people who have been to places like Ethiopia, Congo and Nigeria) and I can safely say, it's terrible... Overpopulated areas are rife with diseases, infections, lack of food and water...

And they are also dying, horribly. Dying from starvation is a terrible way to leave the Earth, but there is just not enough food to feed the world... The sad thing is many people waste food... I've seen this before... I've worked at take-away and in retail food stores... It's amazing just how much food and water is wasted... I've seen people shave while the tap is running and use what I would guess about three litres of water to wash one spoon... (no jokes...) I've seen people throw away hamburgers because the roll wasn't fresh enough...

It scares me to think that in 50 years, the population has doubled... oh and that isn't a steady growth rate, its exponential... meaning in 50 years time (when I'm 72 urgh) the population wont be 14 billion, but probably around 20 billion...

I'll probably be gunned down by saying this but here goes. In the ecology part of my biology classes, I was taught a certain graph... the "J" graph... It's a very important graph that is used in population dynamics... They authors never used people as an example, but rather animals...

Here's the story: everything in nature has a predator, even humans (which happens to be animals.. and human are animals predators...confusing no??? lol)... basically, if you remove the predator, the preys' population will spike exponentially, forming a "J" like scale...after the line reaches its optimum i.e. overpopulated, the population level begins to fluctuate for a while and then in all of a sudden BAM most of the population is exterminated. The causes of the population decline include: starvation, cannibalism, disease, no living space and dehydration.

I believe something similar is going to happen to people... and very soon... 2012 doesn't seem so far-fetched to me any more...

Honestly, I think the planet is fighting back... earthquakes, hurricanes, new diseases... these are signs people... signs... not biblical signs... natural signs...

Love lace out...

I’m not bitter, just single…

So a friend just asked me the one thing that every single person dreads the most: “how’s the love life?”

As you all know, I am luckless in the land of romance, love, lust, etc etc etc… I have tried, and tried and tried… nothing ever materialises (stupid auto correct made me retype ‘materialises’ three times…) and I usually land up sitting on the side lines like a shadow or worse, invisible – like always…

I don't know what it is... Is it me? my personality? Physique?

Many people have told me that I’ll find love when I least expect it, and that my Mr right just hasn’t found me yet, I but often think to myself, was your first love your Mr right? If not, why should I wait for Mr right, can’t I have a few Mr wrongs in the mean time, like you???

I get that I come across as desperate, but that’s only because it’s the only thing that I’ve ever really wanted for as long as I can remember… I also have a habit of over analyzing everything, and people say I shouldn’t do that, but it’s not a trait that can easily be discarded. It isn’t something that you can deny yourself either… I can’t, not analyze something even for a little bit, because if I said I wouldn’t, I’d be lying to myself…

I also understand that I’m not entitled to have a boyfriend, but I can’t help wondering if maybe the universe is preventing me from having a boyfriend because of the one incident I had (the day I lost my V-card). Should I apologise??? Do I need to??? Why should I have to if I do in fact have to apologise???

When I had my near death experience shortly after I jumped out of a train, for a few good weeks, finding love was the last thing on my list… then I finally got a shiny glimmer of hope, but I’m sure that light has faded and moved to someone else (whether or not I have over analyzed it I have no idea). And while that is totally fine, I mean, shouldn’t everyone find love??? And who am I to prevent it… that would selfish of me. Fly like a bird, fly till the sky is no more and fly some more J. I often wonder when will the glimmer stay, if ever???

I suppose for now I should concentrate on healing my leg, but I can’t keep ignoring the whole in my soul.

I just remembered something pertinent to the blog: the world's smallest violin... Hahaha

Mr love Lace out…

Is Lady Gaga the Bonnie Tyler of our generation?

Oh Bonny Tyler... I love you really I do, but seriously I thought someone gave me a massive dose of crack or some seriously wicked drug after watching your music video...

I watched "Total eclipse of the heart" for the first time today, ok more like,watched the music video and paid attention to it instead of thinking of falling in love with someone - like always.

After watching it I was like WTF???

The music video was so weird it reminded me of a Lady Gaga music video... So does that make Lady Gaga the Bonnie Tyler of our generation???


This was just plain insane and made no sense what so ever...

Love Lace out...

Gay is not a synonym for paedophile!

Before I start this story, just know that this is not the first time it's happened to me...

I started using the bus again last week seeing as I'm a smidge stronger in the arms and can climb steps a bit easier. The only difference - aside form the crutches - is that I no longer sit right at the back, but rather, right in the front... I also sit on the right hand side of the bus (the part that can fit three people)...

So I'm sitting there, minding my own business listening to my mp3 player, looking out the window and generally not bothering anyone... Then this over-protective bitch (I chose bitch over the C*** because I thought it wouldn't be as harsh...)comes on the bus... There were other seats available, but she decides to sit by me... I have no objections to people sitting next to me as long as the don't bother me...

She also happened to have a little boy with her... I guesstimate his age around two... But this is what pissed me off... Instead of sitting like a normal person, she sits on the edge of the seat with her kid on her lap... I never paid much attention to it, but then the bitch kept giving me this kak look like "don't look at  my son" as if to say I'm a child molester... I felt like saying to her " gay is not a synonym for paedophile you C* - uhm Bitch"

This is the third time it has happened to me... my issue is, had I been a more macho, "straight looking" guy, or a woman, that would never have happened... I know I tend to be a bit paranoid, but this isn't paranoia talking, this is pure observation... I get that some parents are just over-protective, but why the look she gave me???

I mean, do I look like a paedophile??? I don't fuckin' think so!!! I should know what one looks like... I was molested... and I can assure you, strangers on the bus don't molest you... family or in my case family friends do the molesting... all I have to say is "Fuck you Lady"... nuff said

Mr Love lace out...

Blood Diamond Friends

This morning I was sitting on the bus thinking about all the momentary best friends I've had in my life...

They come and go, and it's sad because I can think of three whose names I can't  recall... oh how time affects the memory... yet although I cannot remember who they once were, that doesn't mean I've forgotten what they meant to me... Sitting outside work, gossiping about our bitch for a floor manager or challenging each other on a swing at the local park... Tranforming (or vandalising) "Hetties Tuck Shop" into "Hetties Fuck Shop"...

I feel like one of those people who are forced to dig for diamonds in Northern Africa. I finally find a diamond and three seconds later the diamond is taken away from me, never to be seen again...

My friends mean everything to me... they always have... I've never had any romantic relations with anyone so I had to give the love I had to someone... so I gave it to friends... and I still do... That's why I'm the friend you can call at 3am to help you bury a dead body... :)

I don't really have much to say, but to all the friends I've lost to time, distance, drugs, the grim reaper etc... I miss you and even though I might not remember you name, it's your aura and being that I remember ever so well...

Mr Love lace out...

Eat, Pray and Lots of Love...

First of all thanks Kemptoo for reminding me to write this!!! I forgot to write an update piece about my broke leg saga lol... well here it is...

After my accident I was sent to Groote Schuure Hospital... Not too bad if you get past the boredom and begin to realise you’ve missed a few spots on the ceiling while counting them...

I was at the hospital for eight days, and let me tell, it’s no cake walk... If any of my friends land up in hospital, I will be there every day for both visiting hours... Unless you’ve been admitted to the hospital for longer than one day you won’t have a single clue how much a one hour visit means... even from people you don’t really like...

You are practically starved 90% of the time, because they need to do tests, you can’t even drink water and the worst thing is, if you have a broken leg, you have to take a dump in a bedpan... not cool... was constipated for seven out of the eight days I was there...

What happened was my ankle broke in two places and my tibia was sliced in half... The doc said I must have an op... Yay me... To fix the ankle bones, screws needed to be inserted into the bone to keep it there and to keep it stable (oh and most people ask if they come out... no they stay in till I kick the bucket...so basically I’ll be setting of airport alarms and US airport officials will probably do a cavity search to make sure I don’t have any illegal metals in my body... FML). The second part is I have a metal plate over the tibia, so that I can walk again... My doc let’s call him Dr Hairy Chest  said I have to wait for the swelling to go down before I can have the operation... the swelling took six days to de-swell only to swell up again after the op and pretty much remain swollen seven weeks later...

Crappy thing was I had my 22^nd birthday on the Sunday, the day before my operation... It’s not cool to spend your birthday at the hospital, but when your friends throw you a small impromptu birthday party, you realise that it’s the little things that make the biggest difference... I wasn’t expecting that, so when I saw them I had to fight tears the entire time... Princess Minnie’s smile turned my upsetting day around, seeing Miss Dictator and Yugi Bear made me realise that my friendship with them will undoubtedly last a life time and when I saw Sherbert, I realised that no matter what happens, she’s always got my back. I swear that was the most touching birthday I’ve ever had. It even surpasses my 21^st birthday... Even now I am fighting back the tears dying to escape my eyelids...

After the Birthday and the operation, I was in a crap load of pain... and what’s worse is that the morphine injection never helped one bit... I’m not kidding I had two morphine injections (not at the same time, six hours between each shot). Neither of them worked and the nurses refused to give me other medication, out of fear of overdosing.... (I suppose I should be grateful but I felt like dying really...) I was in uncontrollable pain for 14 hours until I decided to reject the useless morphine and opt of the second option, a tremadol and two panado’s... It worked... like seriously... I was in heaven...

Two days after the op, I had my first physio session and Dr Hairy Chest said if the physio clears me today I could go home... This was the ticket I’d been waiting for, so I decided I was gonna rock Physio session... I passed!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Well this song pretty much sums up how I felt in the car going home:

George Michael : Freedom

Mr LoveLace out...

Shake, Rattle and Crutch roll

Last week Friday I attended a good friend’s 21^st birthday... Her mother asked me to write something for her the day before... very last minute, but you know, I’m starting to like this “spontaneous” time in life...

I will admit standing up there, with zero alcohol in me and next to no blood in my caffeine stream, I shook like a leaf in the wind... Freaking shaking like Parkinson’s sufferer...

But I made my speech and it was a hit with everyone... (Yay)

So I thought it would be nice for me to post the speech, so that you can read it and, more importantly, as an ode to the Birthday Girl.

 Princess Minnie’s 21^st speech

Good evening everybody, Mr and Mrs _____ and of course our favourite little lady, Princess Minnie.

I was asked yesterday morning to write a speech for you on your 21^st. I gladly accepted the challenge of writing a five day late birthday speech, however, I never anticipated how difficult it would be. 

I sat for hours thinking about what to say. No really I did. After a while I declared I had writers block.

So I thought to myself, What Would Princess Minnie do? I thought about it for about 3 seconds and realised that it was a bad idea. You’d probably leave it till the next day.

So I decided to seek help from a higher power. I thought, what would Lady Gaga do? Then I realised she’d rock up wearing a 21^st birthday cake and sing for you. Unfortunately I can’t sing and I don’t ever plan on wearing an edible outfit.

So eventually I done what any half-normal person would do. I went on google. Did you know that if you google “good 21^st birthday speeches” you’ll get 657,000 results. I sat there stunned, because I knew not one of those speeches was good enough for you.

They wouldn’t have the heart, soul, humour and embarrassment that is needed for a good 21^st speech.

They wouldn’t express what a stunning smile you have, nor the infectious happiness you constantly carry. I will never forget that smile of yours, and thinking about it, will always put a smile on my face.

It will never contain the courage you have by standing in front of a camera while a massive crowd of people are walking towards you shouting the words : S-L-U-T is that what you think of me?

It won’t contain how bipolar you get after eating your daily supply of kiwi fruit, nor will it contain your magical ability to outwit all the nit twits in our class.

It wouldn’t say that inside that tiny frame of yours lies an Amazonian Warrior Princess that can outrun everyone to the nearest hot chocolate seller.

It wouldn’t have the picture of you meticulously peeling off the pastry off the pastry of a samoosa instead of eating it like a normal person. But then again that’s why we all love you.

 It wouldn’t contain how much all of us care for you, and all of us being here tonight proves that.

Today I thought of the perfect speech ever. It’s short and sweet, packs a punch and it can be tweeted.

So here’s my speech: YOU’RE FREAKIN AWESOME PRINCESS MINNIE! HAPPY 21^ST BIRTHDAY.

Mr Love lace out...