Affirmations

Last week I got this book about affirmations... I immediately shot through the book...

By nature, I'm a very pessimistic person, ironically, I'm a very happy, bubbly person too... but usually never optimistic... especially when it comes to love...

If you've read some of my older stuff you have noticed, I've never been in love before... and its the one thing I want and wish for, every living moment of my life...

The advice many people have given me is:

1) Find what you like and find out more about yourself... well I know what I like... so does that mean I should get a boyfriend sometime between now and in 5 minutes?

2) Stop looking for love and don't expect love... HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT TO SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO GIVE EVERYTHING THEY OWN AWAY FOR IT??? Have you no shame???

3) Go out and meet people: I agree with this one, the problem is, most gays at clubs, only want to hook up. besides I hate clubbing and bar hopping that's not me... (note the first point) so should I not be me to find a partner???

Anyways getting back to the original topic, I went through the affirmations book learning more about positive thinking and having a positive attitude. About loving myself and the people around me... I can't say that I don't love myself, but I definitely say that I don't hate myself like I used to... I'm beginning to take some responsibility for my own self hatred... I kept school bullies and the endless pranks people played at my expense...

I'm also trying to get out of the hateful ways I have towards people who don't appreciate their lovers... I used to think they didn't deserve them and that Karma or fate or cupid even God made a mistake in giving them love and left someone like me, (someone who would appreciate love) lonely no matter how hard I prayed to find someone to love...

I often think God is punishing me... I still do to be honest... either that or he's expecting me to magically turn straight and fall in love with a woman...

So I've been writing and saying affirmations since last week, and still praying to God...

The affirmation I've been using all day is this:

I deserve love and I get it in abundance.

I've already written it 100 times which is far more than the required amount I might add... but the more you write it, the stronger it will be...

I truly believe that this will help me find love... I just need to keep on believing in both the affirmations and that God really isn't trying to emotionally traumatise me into heterosexuality...

Mr. Lovelace out...