The bitch is back...

Guess who's back???

But before we get on to talking about ME, first things first...

Hahaha I was looking for a cute picture that I could use to wish you guys and I saw that and couldn't stop laughing... I just had to post it...

So last year was a pretty hectic year... for me at least... I know, I know, my problems are minute in comparison to others, but they and MY problems...and this is also MY blog...

As you can see I've developed a little bit of narcissism... OK, not really, I'm just trying this new thing called, "concentrate on yourself for once for fuck sake Lovelace..."

I've always been the person who will sacrifice time, energy, family for friends, friends for family and everyone for a date... I'm always the one waiting and staring at the phone, while the person I'm waiting for is moving on with his life, more than likely fucking a stranger... 

That will all change this year. I'll be filming the seventh instalment of the Star Wars series... Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the Bitch... yip that's right... my high school persona will be visiting Capetonian shores this year... By that I mean, I'll still be the Lovelace you know and love so much, but I'll also have the "fuck whatever-ness" attitude I had during high school, coupled with, fuck you I might be single but I'm not so desperate that I'd jump in bed with you if you buy me a double brandy and coke... just saying...

This year I want to get my drivers licence... it's something I've delayed for far too long...

I'm also going to do the things I like the most and I'm not going to do the things I don't...Why? Because I'm tired of having to go out and pretend that I'm enjoying myself when I really just want to go home and read six more chapters on A Game of Thrones... The only reason I forced myself out was because friends used the "lets go out and get you a boyfriend!" guess who still walks home single??? However, I'll still go to the clubs with my near and dear friend Lizzie Wizzie (and two specific cousins for reason only we know hehehehe, back to Lizzie Wizzie)... Cuz she has a way of reminding me that as long as I'm with her, I'm bound to have a good time no matter what... 

Things I like doing or want to do more:

1) Ignoring stupid people

2) Win debates with people who think they are right...

3) Reading books

4) Going to book launches

5) Playing PS3

6) Baking cakes and perhaps take a few lessons in cake decorating...

7) Write a fuck-ass-load of short stories I'll never dare put on this blog...

8) Write more poetry

9) Spend more time with my favourite cousins (specifically LinnNinjaPurpleTamponFairy and Tiger0 - who co-incidentally has a great blog, check it out - A bullet laced in anger)

10) Focus on the relationships I do have ergo, friends, family and my mini library

Things I hate doing:

1) Large crowds of people, so I'll be avoiding shopping centres

2) Clubs, especially that trance kak (so essentially all gay clubs... cuz it's the only thing gays these days can dance to, HOWEVER! I might go if the all amazeballs Spinsista Mitzi is DJ-ing... cuz her music is the shit!!! but I'm still anti-social/ anti-clubbing)

3) People who only want me for a night - fuck you I'm worth more than a double brandy and coke!

4) Double brandy and cokes

5) Silly little rich kids who want me to pity them because they've had such a "hard and dark" life... pfft mother-fucker please, your drug addiction and subsequent consequences are of your own fucking making! It wasn't society that decided to fuck your life over, you did it you spoilt little shit!

6) I hate being around people who caress so much it borders on fornication, IN FRONT OF ME!!!

7) I hate on-line dating, therefore, I shall remove any online dating site profiles I have... and ignore all new message since they will more than likely be future disappointments, just like my past disappointments...

8) I hate complimenting unworthy people... the only reason I done that before, was to make sure I got noticed... sure I got noticed and thanked (which made me feel good) and then got laugh at behind my back (which made me feel exponentially more kak than before I was made to feel good...)

9) I blatantly REFUSE to be pressured into going to clubs, pubs, outings etc... because my friends think that I have a boring life... their idea of fun is to get wasted, have a hangover the next day and drink some more, smoke weed and drive from one place to another while completely intoxicated, which will render this memory incapacitated... while my idea of a fun, is kicking sweet video game boss ass on my PS3/DS/PC/PS2 or starting and finishing a 800 page brain bending, plot twisting book that will challenge my political/social/philosophical views... and then reading a quick Mills and Boon...

10) I will not be the one to initiate a date, a second date and a third date (which hasn't ever happened...)... if someone really wants to go out with me and thinks I'm worth a second and third, then they better make the phone call... cuz this bitch ain't gonna care till date four...

On a final note... I saw this pic as well :)

Mr Lovelace out...

Marina and the diamonds - Obessesions

I'm still on my Marina and the Diamonds buzz and I just have to say, buying that album was totally worth it.

Here's a track that I like a lot. There's a part in the song that reminds me of the "normal" things couples usually land up doing... sure going out for a romantic time at a lake side restaurant is awesome, but lets get honest... you're not going to do that EVERY night... right???

Well, you're likely to do the usual stuff, like going to the supermarket, deciding on what to cook for supper, choosing a new set of crockery, etc that's normal couple stuff... that's the defining moments that sets the tone for a relationship (mind you, my ignorance is probably showing up now... well can you blame me??? The only relationships I've ever had were with books... I know more straight guys who've had sex than I have... and I'm gay)... granted, having a surprise gourmet supper is awesome, but that's not love (well it's more like pseudo-love), it's more like "appreciation"... The real ;ove is when you see your partner come home from work stressed (and even though you are too) you offer to do the cooking and wash the dishes afterwards... - am I wrong???

Here's the part in the song that reminds me so much of an average moment in any relationship:

Supermarket, oh what packet of crackers to pick?
They're all the same,
one brand, one name,
But really they're not
Look, look just choose something quick
People are staring, time to come quick in
Skin is on fire; just choose something, something, something.
Pressure overwhelming
Next minute I am turning out of the door
facing one week without food
A day, a day, when things, things are pretty bad
Don't let it make you feel sad, 
The crackers were probably bad luck anyway





Mr Lovelace out... :-)

I am lonely not alone

A good friend of mine once told me “No Kyle you are not alone, just lonely...”

Typical me, I never believed her... 

But it was very true... I am lonely... I feel loneliness, but I share that loneliness with other people who are also lonely... 

Quite depressing I know, but there is a silver lining –Sergeant Pepper‘s lonely hearts club band is an AWESOME Beatles song!!!

Ok that wasn’t the point I wanted to make, the point is, no matter how alone we feel there are always people you can go to, turn to, speak to, hug, cry with and laugh with. It can be a friend of a friend whom you’ve come to know and love, it could be a neighbour, a smart bartender, your local comedic prostitute, a police officer, a counsellor, co-worker, etc the list goes on...

Loneliness is universal, it’s like a pain, EVERYONE has experienced it! Love, not everyone has experienced it, but pain, pain is a whole other ballgame everyone is very accustomed to. The levels of pain may differ, but it’s the one thing everyone has in common...

The same with pain, everyone at some point in their lives has felt lonely... a child, teen, adult, senior... loneliness is like a disease, it can’t be spread around, but it doesn’t discriminate...

I used to think that in my own home, ok technically my Mom and Dad’s house, I was alone. I wasn’t alone, I was just lonely... 

Like many young in the closet gays out there, I was too afraid to come out to my parents... Honestly I still haven’t come out to them... I never planned on coming out, and I don’t plan to either... the second I come out to my parents is the day I send out my wedding Invitations...

So far my mother knows about my orientation, not by me telling her, but by her snooping... Her reason for snooping was that Jesus was working through her, telling her to invade my privacy etc etc...

After that is a long story, right now, she refuses to accept my orientation and I refuse to bring it up in conversation... What she does do, when I’m in the presence of guests, she does tell everyone that I’m going to marry a Japanese women and give her “happy Jappie children” her words not mine... I’m quite obsessed with Japan and I do plan on moving there in the future, hence the Japanese wife part...

So far I’ve only come out to one relative, one of my most beloved cousins... He is my hero in many ways, he’s also a mega dork in more ways than a hero... But he is my best ally in the constant war that is my family... Having a father who has 9 siblings means there’s bound to some bitchin’ going on at some point... actually, always...

The first people I ever came out to were my college buddies, I consider them to be my closest and most trusted friends. It was through telling them, I had enough courage to get out of the closet to just about everyone outside my family... this is no secret, I don’t act any different in front of my friends than I do with my family, I just choose to not tell them, and they also choose to not ask me...

So what I know is that even though I feel lonely at home, or when I feel lonely at night in a bed alone, I know that when the sun rises and I return to work, I am no longer lonely, I have a support system, I have friends, I have books to dive into, games to finish, music to escape to, movies to dull my senses to and best of all I have my imagination... In my world, I can be anyone I want to be and most of the time, I don’t have a lover in my fantasies... if I do, I know the fantasy won’t last that long... I prefer having super powers or being a kick ass gunslinger saving the world from zombies  than baking a chocolate soufflé for a faceless boyfriend who will love me and have sex with me and will be intimate with me and will marry me and adopt children with me and will grow old with me... wow that’s a lot of “ands”...  

Anyway, I’m cool with being lonely... I’m finally accepting, it’s ok to be single, it’s ok to feel lonely, it’s human, It’s instinct, it’s life...

Lovelace out...

I need a boyfriend I can lean on

Ok first of all, I meant that in the most literal sense you can think of... I literally need a boyfriend > fiance > husband I can lean on physically... No no no, not in a sexual way... ok yes, also in a sexual way, no not in that sexual way, I'm a bottom not a top... (note to me: make more sense when writing...) ANYWAY what I'm trying to say is (urgh) -now how do I put this in words...

I like to lean on things... No, I'm not lazy to stand, I just like to lean on things... well when I'm standing, not sitting... I lean on chairs, which drives 20something gal CRAZY!!! (oh and I am friends with her BTW :) cool gal, follow her ;) ) I lean on tables, walls, cars, my friends, the fridge, etc, I am a leaner...

So today when 20 and I went to go get lunch, we waited an ass long time in line waiting for our order... Okay random fact I should have mentioned in the blog earlier, I can't stand still, not for one second, which is why I like to lean, I stand still and stop fidgeting when I am leaning on something... So while we are waiting, I'm pacing up and down and fidgeting... I have little to ZERO patience... and I am looking for a place where I can lean comfortably... no luck and the person I can lean on comfortably is 20something gal. One problem, she can definitely not support my body...

So while waiting in that long ass line, I realised that I need a boyfriend > fiance > husband who I can lean on, to keep me from pacing up and down and fidgeting... Maybe I should go to Scandinavia and find me a Nordic lover I can lean on... -lust filled grin-

Mr Lovelace out...