It's official, I'm beginning to crack...

Yesterday was the fastest/longest day I've ever had...

Actually this whole week has been the fastest/longest week I've ever had...

Yesterday I had to take the last bus to Richwood, which is very seldom, because I never finish work at 16:45... But that day was an exception... (In case you were wondering, my internship did end, but I was asked to remain for an extra week and train the new interns, which I gladly accepted)

I sat on that bus for about 30 minutes looking like someone who was tired and I was... I was really fuggin tired... But it wasn't really the tiredness, it was me holding back from bursting out into stressed-out tears...

Zits started to break out on Tuesday, my psoriasis is making its return, rings under my eyes, shaky hands, agitation, irritation, mood swings, complete body shut down... I am exhausted... I feel like a car that has been forced to run on nothing but air... I need a break... and I'm only getting one next week... seems close right? yeah well, today and tomorrow are going to really test whatever endurance and strength I have left...

Let me give you a general idea of my schedule:

Wake up every morning at 5:30am sometimes 5am... catch the 6am bus to Town, arrive at Town at 7am... work till 16:20pm... Take the 16:30pm bus home and arrive home at about 17:15pm... occasionally cook and clean... now that has been my schedule for the last year... I've only take seven days leave in total... five days holiday in February and two days leave in April, when my gran passed away... other than, and the weekends and public holiday of course, I've worked every single day of the week... For some people that might not be so bad, but I also am so busy, that I have to take my work home with me and finish it there...

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful to have had my job and to be part of a great company and to get paid -even though it was peanuts no really, even some of the other editors can't believe we get paid so little- and I know, that there are many people out there, who have it more difficult than me, but I have really worked my ass off, from day one to impress and to showcase my ability to be a fantastic employee, occasionally doing three people's work at one time, but now, I am drained...

And its not just work that's gotten me so stressed out... I never get as stressed out as I am right now, writing this blog... I'm sitting here, feeling the exact way I felt on the bus yesterday... I also realised, that I am lonely, ok well I never realised it, I've always known, but I never realised just how much being lonely or ignoring the fact that I was lonely has contributed to all the stress I'm under... I'm not saying, that being in a relationship will reduce stress, because I know people in stressful relationships, but being single forever is really taking its toll on me...


Then there's the family stress... I know, I know, everyone has family stress, I'm not saying that mine is more, I'm just saying, all the family bullshit and drama is beginning to get too much for me... My parents are friends with me on facebook, so now I've lost facebook as a place for me to vent... and ever since my parents got blackberries, they are scratching in places that's starting to egg me in certain places... I have to be careful of what I tweet, when I tweet and how often I tweet... seeing as my mom and dad CONSTANTLY google me... I'm under the eagle eye again, being watched and monitored by my parents, I feel like there's a camera following me everywhere... they keep asking me everytime I leave the house: "where you going? who you going to? Who's this Denzil person on facebook? Who's this Ruben person on facebook? Why is he/she posting this on your facebook? Why did you join this group? Stop putting that horoscope stuff on your wall! I don't like that status take it off. Then when I remove them as a friend on facebook, all hell breaks loose... Why did you unfriend me on facebook? What are you hiding? Tell me know Kyle! Is there something I should know?... and when they aren't bothering the fuck out of me with facebook, they are bothering me with there blackberries... asking me to put this and that on for them... I DONT EVEN HAVE A FUCKING BLACKBERRY!!! I'm still rocking the old LG chatterbox for fuck sake...

So when my parents aren't scrutinising my already dim social life, they scratch in my room... and when they are not invading my privacy, they are invading my sisters privacy... which is linked to me, because she then talks to me about it...

My sister, is turning 20 tomorrow and a month later she will be a mother... I know, this fact shouldn't really stress me out so much, but it does and here is why... Lets call my sister *Stacey* and her baby daddy *fuckface*... fuckface has been living at our house pro-bono since last year October ever since his mother's bf kick his own bucket... they were homeless, the mother went to live with friends and left good-for-nothing lazy fuckface to fend for himself... (I happen to know him, ergo I can call him that, because its the truth) so he asked my sister, who broke up with him a month prior to the bucket kicking because he cheated on her with a 16 year old chickie from Bothasig, so he asked her if he could stay at our house, because we have a spare bedroom... NEVER HAVING ASKED MY PARENTS, he plonked himself at our house in the early hours of the morning...long story short my mother felt sorry for him (even though she didn't like him) and let him stay for a bit... well a bit turned into a month, then a few months and now its almost a year. Both of them are unemployed and my sister is the only one who is trying her best to get a job... Fuckface is still just wasting time... so its officially up to myself, my dad and my mom to support Stacey and fuckface's child... But I know that my parents can't afford to look after another person especially a baby... so I need to get a job and help out as much as I can... Its not my responsibility, but the two parents to be aren't taking any... So I've been trying real hard to get a job, take some responsibility and look support my niecephew...

Then I'm going back to hell... otherwise known as CPUT... Then my travel time is upped twofold from 2 hours to 4... every day... and when I go back, I won't have an income, so I'm going to go back to my old part-time job at Mr Video and work on weekends again... God help me...

So in summary stress from peeps, work, lack of a job after I'm done with job, getting a new "job", baby on the way, college, lack of sleep, improper eating times, irregular schedule and single status are all adding up to my inevitable mental breakdown...

Sorry for venting, but I have nowhere else to turn to...

Mr Lovelace out...