I’m not bitter, just single…

So a friend just asked me the one thing that every single person dreads the most: “how’s the love life?”

As you all know, I am luckless in the land of romance, love, lust, etc etc etc… I have tried, and tried and tried… nothing ever materialises (stupid auto correct made me retype ‘materialises’ three times…) and I usually land up sitting on the side lines like a shadow or worse, invisible – like always…

I don't know what it is... Is it me? my personality? Physique?

Many people have told me that I’ll find love when I least expect it, and that my Mr right just hasn’t found me yet, I but often think to myself, was your first love your Mr right? If not, why should I wait for Mr right, can’t I have a few Mr wrongs in the mean time, like you???

I get that I come across as desperate, but that’s only because it’s the only thing that I’ve ever really wanted for as long as I can remember… I also have a habit of over analyzing everything, and people say I shouldn’t do that, but it’s not a trait that can easily be discarded. It isn’t something that you can deny yourself either… I can’t, not analyze something even for a little bit, because if I said I wouldn’t, I’d be lying to myself…

I also understand that I’m not entitled to have a boyfriend, but I can’t help wondering if maybe the universe is preventing me from having a boyfriend because of the one incident I had (the day I lost my V-card). Should I apologise??? Do I need to??? Why should I have to if I do in fact have to apologise???

When I had my near death experience shortly after I jumped out of a train, for a few good weeks, finding love was the last thing on my list… then I finally got a shiny glimmer of hope, but I’m sure that light has faded and moved to someone else (whether or not I have over analyzed it I have no idea). And while that is totally fine, I mean, shouldn’t everyone find love??? And who am I to prevent it… that would selfish of me. Fly like a bird, fly till the sky is no more and fly some more J. I often wonder when will the glimmer stay, if ever???

I suppose for now I should concentrate on healing my leg, but I can’t keep ignoring the whole in my soul.

I just remembered something pertinent to the blog: the world's smallest violin... Hahaha

Mr love Lace out…