Shake, Rattle and Crutch roll

Last week Friday I attended a good friend’s 21^st birthday... Her mother asked me to write something for her the day before... very last minute, but you know, I’m starting to like this “spontaneous” time in life...

I will admit standing up there, with zero alcohol in me and next to no blood in my caffeine stream, I shook like a leaf in the wind... Freaking shaking like Parkinson’s sufferer...

But I made my speech and it was a hit with everyone... (Yay)

So I thought it would be nice for me to post the speech, so that you can read it and, more importantly, as an ode to the Birthday Girl.

 Princess Minnie’s 21^st speech

Good evening everybody, Mr and Mrs _____ and of course our favourite little lady, Princess Minnie.

I was asked yesterday morning to write a speech for you on your 21^st. I gladly accepted the challenge of writing a five day late birthday speech, however, I never anticipated how difficult it would be. 

I sat for hours thinking about what to say. No really I did. After a while I declared I had writers block.

So I thought to myself, What Would Princess Minnie do? I thought about it for about 3 seconds and realised that it was a bad idea. You’d probably leave it till the next day.

So I decided to seek help from a higher power. I thought, what would Lady Gaga do? Then I realised she’d rock up wearing a 21^st birthday cake and sing for you. Unfortunately I can’t sing and I don’t ever plan on wearing an edible outfit.

So eventually I done what any half-normal person would do. I went on google. Did you know that if you google “good 21^st birthday speeches” you’ll get 657,000 results. I sat there stunned, because I knew not one of those speeches was good enough for you.

They wouldn’t have the heart, soul, humour and embarrassment that is needed for a good 21^st speech.

They wouldn’t express what a stunning smile you have, nor the infectious happiness you constantly carry. I will never forget that smile of yours, and thinking about it, will always put a smile on my face.

It will never contain the courage you have by standing in front of a camera while a massive crowd of people are walking towards you shouting the words : S-L-U-T is that what you think of me?

It won’t contain how bipolar you get after eating your daily supply of kiwi fruit, nor will it contain your magical ability to outwit all the nit twits in our class.

It wouldn’t say that inside that tiny frame of yours lies an Amazonian Warrior Princess that can outrun everyone to the nearest hot chocolate seller.

It wouldn’t have the picture of you meticulously peeling off the pastry off the pastry of a samoosa instead of eating it like a normal person. But then again that’s why we all love you.

 It wouldn’t contain how much all of us care for you, and all of us being here tonight proves that.

Today I thought of the perfect speech ever. It’s short and sweet, packs a punch and it can be tweeted.

So here’s my speech: YOU’RE FREAKIN AWESOME PRINCESS MINNIE! HAPPY 21^ST BIRTHDAY.

Mr Love lace out...