Anybody and everybody who's ever met me will know me to be a person hellbent on being financially secure, not in a materialistic way, but in a way that will allow me to live a comfortable life... This is single most important thing to me... I don't fear being poor, I grew up in a below middleclass household, my mother, an overworked-underpaid waitress/ cashier for Parliament and my dad (well I call him Pappie, because he is Afrikaans) worked as a caster at a jeweller...
There were many nights, during mine and my younger sister's childhood, when my parents could not afford supper, when we nearly evicted and when my parents could not afford a pencil for me to do my grade 3 homework... My parents, both feel equally disappointed in themselves (although my mother shows it more), for not being able to provide for both my sister and I... its during these "flashbacks of a Days of our Lives episode", that sister dearest and I turn to comfort my mom and dad, personally I think they are great parents, they tried really hard and at times we got fortunate, my dad got a great job, great salary, but not before long, he was "retrenched" - its only natural that the deaf are the first to go...
Growing up (I can't believe I'm saying this, but) 'poor' has taught me that I can survive it, if I were to go back to that state of financial decline... but my parents, worked hard and now, 20 years later, we are living a slightly comfortable life... still paycheck to paycheck and a holiday nowhere in sight, but a comfortable life... so I know that if I work hard enough, I can lead a great life...
Now, I know what it feels like to be a poorer person, and to be the person that goes to "that" school, to collect and use "those" coupons and wear "unbranded" clothes... but I've never let that get me down, not once, most people believe that because I am white, I come from a fortunate background... It stumps me when someone calls me "stirvy"... I'm far from that, I'm grounded (ok I have my head stuck in cloud 7 but thats cuz I have superpower that allows me to stretch my neck...) and very humble.
By now you're probably wondering what's this got to d o with the topic, well, I know what its like to be 'poor', but I fear being a homeless person... that scares the shit out of me... but what scares me even more is living a life unloved - by that I mean boyfriend, partner, husband kind of love.
Yesterday I heard a song from Ke$ha - yes I listen to her and if you don't like it, bite me, throw Cayenne pepper in my eyes, throw me with a bucket of shit, I don't care... ok on second thought don't throw me with a bucket of shit, someone's already done that and its not cool, not cool at all... Anyway the song is called the Harold song and there was a part in chorus that read:
I thought it was beautiful, literature murder, but beautiful... I might have misinterpreted her meaning of "everything" but for me, I'd give away all my earthly possessions to find true love (I wouldn't let it go easily though...) So for me, someone fearful of homelessness and a person who has experienced the hardships of a lower level of financial living, to give up everything, should say a lot about how serious I am and will be to the person who is willing to take a chance on me...
To quite a friend who at the time knew little about me : "I know, any guy would be the world's luckiest man to have you"...
But until then, I will continue to live happily single and indulge in the world of libraries, coffee shops, 2nd hand book stores, blogs, the dark corners at my friends parties avoiding the vanity of the individuals who soak up vodka, tequila and ostentatiously colourful shots whilst swinging their half naked bodies to a god awful trance crap everyone listens to in an attempt to get laid that same night... Call me boring, but I prefer personality to promiscuity... or as I like to say, I prefer platinum to plastic...
Mr Love lace out...
I think the 'want to not be sleeping alone' is more profound than just a lovers connection. Sometimes I just don't want to feel alone and it's those times I would rather not be sleeping alone, especially as winter rolls on over us. Its really just about trying to connect with someone. that connection can be amazing, be it a friend or a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteCan I throw you with a stone then?
ReplyDeleteAt least I will be throwing you together with the stone & not throwing the stone at you :)
Throwing you with shit. Definitely not cool I would get my hands dirty. How heavy are you? I'm not that strong to throw both at the same time :)