Three words... is all it took...

So for those of you who think my life and my blog is exciting - thank you, thank you - you must have read my previous blog entry with the line "Breaking news: I just got asked out on a date......". Well here's my date in a nutshell...

You guessed it, I got stood up... My very first actual date and I got stood up... How nice is that??? To start of my dating life with rejection... It really really hurt... I always sympathised when I saw the "stood up" scenes in the movies, but now, I empathise...

I felt like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed here's the scene:



Well I have been thrown with an egg before(and firecrackers, stones and sticks [go figure], a condom, water balloons, rugby ball, soccer ball, cricket ball -that fuckin hurt- a glass bottle (or cup can't remember), paper shit - yes, actual shit - mouldy bread, a teacher once threw me with a MASSIVE set of keys, a wooden plank and a glass plate... ), so I can empathise with this clip anyways...

Here's a email I sent to a friend about the date (or lack there of) and my emotions afterwards...:

Hey ______!!

Long story short, we planned to meet up on sat… we never decided on a time, he was just going to let me know… so I sent him a sms about 11.30 asking him what time he was going to pick me up… the second I sent him the sms, he was suddenly “on his way” from Town to fetch me at Total in Richwood… I thought the timing of him leaving and me sending the message was a little too suspicious… so like 15 minutes later he said he arrived at the total … and I replied that I was running a little late, because he never told me what time he was going to pick me up… BTW its IMPOSSIBLE to go from town to Richwood in 15 minutes, with or without the traffic… then I arrived at the total and I sent him a message asking him where he was and then like 5 minutes later he sent me “Can’t do this”… so I sent him a sms “Oh ok, why not?” and I haven’t heard from him since…

Now I know what his intentions were, all he wanted to do, was hook up and have his gay fuck fantasy… and I am not that cheap to have sex on the first day, I've learnt from past mistakes...I doubt he was even at Total… maybe he saw me and thought I looked too gay to be caught around with, whatever it was I don’t care, as far as I’m concerned, he’s the one with the problem, not me… I couldn’t care less… admittedly, I was a bit upset and hurt, but most of all I was angry… I was angry because I shaved, I was angry because I got all excited, I was angry because I had lie to my family, I was angry because I wasted airtime, I was angry because I felt like a disposable rag, I was angry because I had to get up early and get ready, I was angry because I had to iron clothes on a Saturday morning and I never iron my clothes on Saturday, only Sunday nights, I was angry because I couldn’t go back home after he stood me up, I was angry because I wasted an entire Saturday, the only day that I can have that’s peaceful, I was angry because I was going to buy my friend a nice birthday gift while we were supposed to be on our date, but most of all I was angry at myself for being so angry over something that shouldn’t have made me so angry… I was angry for about 15 minutes and then I went to my friends house to hide for a while before having to go home and then lie to my parents and sister again about going out with friends to Canal Walk… I had to lie and say I wasn’t hungry because I had “already ate at Canal walk” when the truth is I was starving because I never ate the whole day, I got home at 4… I swear, if I never had that 15 minutes to cool off, I probably would have killed someone… and I’m not joking… cold blooded murder… I was outraged… 

So three measly words is all it took to not only ruin my day or at least part of it, but to totally screw up my first date EVER... I wasn't devastated at least, which shows emotional growth... I never let it get to me, which for me is like reaching a milestone in my wildly chaotic emotional life... If those three words "Cant do this" or being left standing at a petrol garage looking like a fool can upset me so badly and I've grown to the point where I can just dust it off, what would've happened if I was still the emotional wreck I was six months ago??? Honestly, I would have thought it was me... I would have thought I was the one who fucked up , that it was my fault he didn't want to go out with me...me me me, all my fault... I would've probably hurt myself, or punished myself... even though it wasn't my fault... 

If you've ever stood up on a date before, shame on you, you have no idea how it feels... especially if that person has insecurities, both physical and emotional maybe even neurological... and if you've been stood up before, I feel you :) and to those of you who will enter the group of "I've been stood up", I'm so sorry you had to join... but its alright, we are not alone and we are better off without the fucker...

Mr love lace out...